Storytime with Gary: Two Puppets Improvise “Die Hard

Two of my puppet regulars, Robert & Julie, from Storytime with Gary took the stage to improvise their own version of Die Hard. I'm not sure either of them had actually seen Die Hard, but they were both desperate for stage time. With schools closed and their usual kindergarten audiences out of reach, I was happy to offer them a slot.

The result? Unhinged, chaotic, and somehow still heartwarming. Welcome to the party, pal.

SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER 2020

Here are 10 iconic Die Hard quotes you can’t say in school:

1. “Yippee-ki-yay, mother—”

   1. This one will get you sent to the Principal's office.

2. “Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.”

   1. This one will cause a lockdown and is frowned upon.

3. “Welcome to the party, pal.”

   1. You must have snacks for everyone.

4. “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”

   1. If you are having a party you must invite everyone as to not exclude them.

5. “You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.”

   1. Culturally insensitive to the exchange students.

6. “Hans, bubby, I’m your white knight.”

   1. Please refer to Mr. Gruber with his authority title.

7. “No fing s, lady. Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?”

   1. Not a polite response to when your teacher asks if you need help reading.

8. “I’m not the one who just got butt-f***ed on national TV.”

   1. Only appropriate if someone got butt-f***ed on national TV

9. “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”

   1. Actually, this is ok.

10. “You ask for miracles, Theo, I give you the F-B-I.”

    1. SWATTING your classmates is grounds for in-school suspension.

Yippee-ki-yay, mother—